change, classmates, confused, emotions, experience, fears, fridays, frightening things, irrational fears, learning, lessons, life, life moments, lost, memories, myself, relationships, school, Thoughts, trust, vampires
Quick News! I got a follower! YAY!
Today is Friday? Oh! So that means, by the results of the 2 responses, it is….
FRIGHTS OF TERROR FRIDAY!
Now, since I haven’t done this topic yet, I shall explain what could happen on these days.
Frights of Terror Fridays, is generally the day where I will share either the moments in my life where I was scared (for any reason). Or I will talk about a Fear/Phobia I have/had.
Well, I’m still a new blogger here, so I need to share more!
I’m generally a scaredy cat. I don’t take unnecessary risks, or risks that would only harm me in the end. Call it being a coward, or call it bland, its just what I do. I’ve learned over the years, that my fears can manifest themselves through my eyes, via through what I’m seeing, or how I interpret things. Any fear that I have, can be brought out through actions of others, and I will only see those fearful things when I’m freaking out.
So what does that mean? I’m not too sure, but I think it’s best told like this. When I was in elementary school, I knew I had irrational fears… or fears that don’t make sense realistically. Probably brought on because my imagination is very creative. I didn’t like people who bite other people, and when your little… some kid like to bite! Not like that the casual saying “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” No! Like seriously people bit me!
Did I look tasty to people? I didn’t think so… but it happened. I even had a classmate, who bothered to chase me around the playground, tackled me when he was close, and would bite my fingers or arms.
Now, when growing up, through the magic of books, I found out there were “people” who bite people for their blood. You may know them as Vampires! Then looking at the picture, seeing tv shows about them… It freaked me out so badly! My parents and sisters reassured me at home that these people don’t exist.
For a time, I believed those words to be true. For my first 3 years in school, I went thinking these creatures aren’t real people, and that the kid who bites me was just a weirdo or wanting my attention, and that being bitten for blood isn’t really a real thing. Then Halloween comes one year.
It could be considered a blessing and yet unlucky that I didn’t encounter a “Dracula” costume for the 1st three years in school. Because of that, I believed that vampires were just something made up, and they only exist in books and movies. But one year, I remember walking into the class room, and some guy pops out of no where and bears his fangs at me.
Now, you’d think that I would be thinking “Oh it’s just a costume, it’s not real”. That would be the rational thing to be thinking. But my imagination convinced me other wise. I saw him… my eyes wide open, and freaked out right then and there. I didn’t literally scream, I felt paralyzed, but I was shaking.
I couldn’t even register in my head that that was a friend of mine. I spent the whole Halloween in school that year, sitting in my desk, being quiet, and fighting off thoughts and disbelief. “My parents lied to me…”
Eventually my teacher came up to me at the end of the day, asking me if I was alright… or if anything had happened. I didn’t say anything, at least I don’t think I did. But, I remember I was fine the rest of the year. I laughed alot, and learned a bunch, and met kids who I thought could be my friend. And that was the end of that.
It didn’t occur to me that I had such a fear for Vampires, but I was still in debate within myself thinking was it real or not? I may have blocked off any association with that incident… because I didn’t respond about things like that. Maybe I thought it was a one time thing, or maybe I denied it even happened.
However, that fear did come back again the following year. It wasn’t during Halloween though. No… it was during spring. “Vampires only come out during Halloween” was my thought, and it should be the only time that would make me freak out again.
Somehow, every classmate of mine that year, had found out that I get scared about things like this. I didn’t understand how all of the sudden, all the kids in my class, suddenly had long fangs. 2 kids, came up to me, smiling, asking if they could drink my blood. Am I suppose to think that’s normal? Am I suppose to think that was funny? I mean, any kid would think that’s just strange, or laugh it off. Or even think it was a joke. But not me. I could be seen as a gullible person. When your a child, everything seems like the truth in your eyes. Anything could be possible.
Remember, my imagination is very creative… and it seeing things, that my parents, my family repeatedly told me was not real before me, what was I suppose to believe? I wanted to scream, I couldn’t. Throughout that day. Kids I thought I was friends with, whispered to me “We want your blood.” “I’m a Vampire!” and those who didn’t would say, “Look, he’s shaking!” “Why don’t you cry!” “Scared yet?” Then I lost it.
I eventually burst out right there during Art class. My classmates, didn’t laugh, I don’t remember anyone doing so… I just remember, getting up, backing away from people who were around. Especially when they tried to get near me. I remember screaming “Get away! Everyone’s going to kill me!” That got the teacher’s attention.
The teacher dragged me aside, and tried to ask me what was wrong. I don’t really remember saying much, but this. “They want my blood, I’m going to die.” She told me that that’s not true… “I saw them, they’re vampires!” She told me that those aren’t real, and she asked a child to come near to show me. The girl took out the teeth, and said. “See? It’s fake, there’s no such thing.” I remember I stopped crying, and the other kids took out their teeth too.
You’d think this would be the time that I would be relieved, and start feeling safe. That I had nothing to worry about. That didn’t happen. I did stop crying, that is true but I felt like no one could be trusted. That everyone is at some point is going to be a liar. You can’t shake off the feeling, that others could lie like that. That people would go out of the way to make you feel like that. I mean sure, it was with something little, not important, and a joke. How was I supposed to know that though? Kids I thought I could trust, People I thought I was safe with, it could disappear like a popping balloon in an instance. All that trust, and reassurance… gone.
I was taught that liars are the worst of the worst, in the world of common folk. A simple lie can alter the way you look at someone or something. From that day onward… I became a liar, not out of wanting to lie to other people, but to keep myself from feeling just like on that day. Alienation, distanced, loneliness, what else was I suppose to feel?
I know now that Vampires and those things aren’t real… It took a while for me to get that through my head though. Now, the thought of seeing them, don’t phase me at all. However, that experience was at the cost of my trust in others. And at the same time, I became such a liar, that no one really knows what goes on with my life.
I mean it like this. I generally share things about my life, but they won’t be anything that could be used against me, or could harm me in the end. Being afraid of something isn’t anything to be ashamed of, but you should learn to manage those fears. If you don’t, people will exploit it, they will use it to crush you. You can still be afraid of them, but like anything, you got to show what seems appropriate.
I’m not saying you should be holding in your reactions, and I’m not saying you should hide everything from people. Like I said in a previous post, you got to trust someone with something of yours. Who knows, maybe they can help you get over the fears. Fear is what you make of it, but if you let any fear keep you from building a relationship with people who generally do care about you, you won’t have anyone. That took me a while to understand.
I did have a fear of Vampires, and I saw first hand that my imagination could cloud my judgement and thinking. If 3 kids, didn’t apologize to me in the following week that year, maybe I would be in a worse state of mind today. I won’t forget what my classmate did to me that day, like any emotional event. However, it’s a learning step of life, probably not the best method, but still something you need to learn.
There are people who will hurt you, don’t deny that part of life. You can either let it hurt you even more, or you can let yourself become better than them.
Okay that’s enough of that. I have a feeling that many of you don’t really like that story. It’s just something that I felt was appropriate for a Frights of Terror Friday. It probably wasn’t that scary to you…. I hope you didn’t mind though. My fears, aren’t groundless; there is always a reason for any fear a person has. My story isn’t scary because I don’t see it as something that scary anymore.
But what do you readers think? Do you have any fears that have a certain story behind them? Did anyone ever take advantage of your fears? If you have any… please leave a comment, maybe then I won’t think I’m too crazy in thinking like I do.
Tomorrow’s Saturday, which means you can choose from these topics:
School things, Truths, or Video Games. These are the choices and from those topics could be anything in regards. Please tell me what you think would be fine for tomorrow, thanks for reading!