Brand new week guys! I found that I now have 4 followers! 3 technically on WordPress! You don’t understand my excitement… really, I’m gushing with happiness!
Okay, probably not the best words for that, but I just wanted to let you guys know that it made me smile.
Monday’s today, what’s the topic this time?
Memory Meanderings Monday!
What could this day invovle? Well, it could be anything really… I kid I kid, it actually is mostly about my memory. I thought about what that could mean, and to be honest… I came up with nothing that it could focus on. Should I talk about memories I have? Well I already do that in like every post I write… So when I thought about it more… I realized that these types of Mondays should be more suited for me trying to figure out my memories, or why it goes about remembering things they way it always does. So yeah, you’ll get some memories tid bits..
If I were to recall anything in my life. The first thing that I could say would come to mind, are actually things that never happened in reality. It’s strange isn’t it? Most of the things I remember in great detail are my nightmares. I haven’t really had dreams over the years, just nightmares. In the off chance I do have a dream, it would be too bizarre, and so completely random that I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
My memory, as well as everyone else’s, is not the most reliable thing to go off of. How can I say that with such confidence? Well, there are many factors that lead me to believe that. First off, I don’t remember things in the immediate moment I need to remember them. I always draw a blank. It’s true! Even with things that just happened, conversations I was enjoying with someone, if it derails or takes a detour I will, with out any doubt, forget what we were talking about 4 seconds ago. Now, that doesn’t mean I forget it forever, no.
The way my memory works I think goes like this… I have to process my thoughts, and think about what I just saw/heard in a moment. This “processing” action can take about 10 minutes to 3 Days. Yes, I know! That’s such a wide time gap. But I’m dead serious, I can’t recall information, at least in it’s entirety until I give my brain some time to “place” it some where in my head. What do I do to pass the time though? I don’t mean to do it, but I always continue “absorbing” information. So my brain really never rests when it comes to thinking about things. The only real way I could tell I’m done processing something, and you may think it’s complete nonsense, is when I randomly think about the thought that I was trying to process. Wait? How does that make sense?
Hold on, remember what I said before? It takes me about 10 minutes to 3 Days to process something. When I first hear something or see something, and there is some sense that I should remember it, that’s when the processing begins… I think it does, at least. But what happens between that initial moment the event happened, to when I’m done processing it? It’s kind of hard to explain, but I’m always in some sort of thought, even when reading or writing something. If the thought I was thinking, randomly gets “interrupted” by another thought, which will always be completely different from the current thought, that’s generally how I know I finished processing the thought I was trying to remember.
Did I lose you yet? Well, think about it like this. There is a converyer belt that is in a factory, on it are several pieces of parts to one thing. There is only one conveyer belt, and at least 2 products being made at one time. So while I’m trying to make one product, I place parts of whatever is being “ordered” on the belt, one after the other. If the parts all belong to a certain product, at any length of time, and are coming one after another, thats the thought processing. However when a product is nearing completion and is almost done, less and less of it’s parts will be placed on the belt. When all the parts are gathered, the product is made, and the full thought or Memory is created. Once something is created, the convery belt stops for a brief “break”, before it starts continuing the other products.
During that “break”, that is usally when I spout out a random thing, or irrelavant information to someone or something. Okay, if you understood that analogy, I congratulate you, because I had no idea how to make this make sense.
If I try to make sense of how my memory works, I come up with nothing on the spot. But when I think of it like this… It makes more sense to me. When I’m put on the spot, not matter if there is pressure or not to answer, I panic. I then “rush” to come up with something to say. It’s like the person in command was asked to present a finished product, when the product isn’t done yet. Hence why it takes me a while to answer, especially when someone asks me ‘what happened?” or “who did this?”. When I’m put on the spot, the belt runs double or triple speed! The parts for things are placed so carelessly, so quickly… and the product, the memory, will be presented no matter what. So, of course things are going to sound messed up, and that parts that don’t belong to some memories, are present in some memories. I hurried to finish creating my memory, and as a result, I say things that other people don’t seem to remember.
I’m not saying that it’s anyones fault that I don’t have the “right” memory or if things didn’t happened the way I remember. If anything, it’s my own fault, for trying to recall something quicker than my brain can function.
Okay, so what? No one has the perfect memory… anyone who says they do, they probably have a much stronger brain than the average person. But because my brain has a set timeframe it takes to remember something, and when I try to make that time frame shorter, I screw things up. That, my readers, is where my LIES come from. People say that I can easily get caught with lying… and that’s true in some regards. Most of what I say, is actually in fact, true. It’s the order in which it happened, the correct memory that the “lie” belongs to, that is where the lie is created. Does that make sense?
I feel like I’ve just been confusing you all. I’ll try to explain it this way. What I say, or at least what I choose to say, I experienced. I know it happened some at time or another. Now, the things that come with it, the details for instance… they may not be completely related to each other in regards to if they happened that exact way, if anything most memories I remember, are probably bits and pieces of seperate memories in a whole. I know for a fact, that my memory isn’t perfect, and I know without a doubt, that none of my memories are pure, straight, and refined to every detail.
But wait, wasn’t I talking about why the first things I think about when I remember something were my nightmares? Ah, you thought I forgot about that right? No, I was trying to lead it to this point. Remember what I said about my creative imagination in previous posts? No? Neither do I. But anyways, because they are nightmares or things that appeared in my mind, and because of the way my memory works, there may be a slight chance, that my memories of some things, are actually parts of nightmares I had. Maybe or maybe not, I wouldn’t know. I’m gullible remember, and for the longest time I believed I was the only one who knew the truth about my life. But lately, I have begun to doubt my own memories. Why, you may ask? Because I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I hear my thoughts, and most of them are completely different from the reality of what people are telling me. Sure there could be the off chance that everyone else is being a big fat liar-liar-pants-on-fire, but what are the chances of that?
It’s about time I start putting my faith in other people. My memories may be messed up, but I know they happened in some form or another. The only down side to this, is that everyone could decide to use this to twist my trust in others. Unless every person I know, chooses to skew the reality of the life I’m living, I shouldn’t be screwed in the end.
This is going to be a big gamble… I hope it will pay off in the end. If it doesn’t, then I know my memory isn’t as messed up as I keep thinking it is.
Did I lose you guys at all during this post? When I read it, I see myself going from on thing to another… and it seems so random. At least you are defintely walking away with something new about me after reading this. If you weren’t able to follow my thought process, then you know now, how my thoughts flow from one to the other. If you did follow it, then you understand me better as well.
I hope you guys enjoyed todays topic, and please leave a comment if you have something to say.
Tomorrow’s Tuesday! Which means you can choose between “Food/Tricks/Treats”
Remember to leave a comment if you want to influence what I post. (if you are one of those people who thinks it’s going to limit me, it really doesn’t, I have a post in mind for each topic)